don't judge ME~!
i dno wat to write actually..but im kinda bored rite now,feel like wna talk to someone..feeling hungry too and thirsty(is dis correct??gosh~i cnt even rmmbr hw to spell it anymore~huhu~.~") tmrw i will be going bck to muar...hmm..ya,i miss home..miss my balcony,my pillows,hahax~;P next thursday result will be out..God knows how i feel inside..i can hardly sleep when i think about it..seriously~i keep rmmbrg the time when spm result was out,how i let so many people down...my mom doesnt even wna talk to me,mad..i can tell how much frustrated she was at dat time..i still rmmbr dat feeling,to see her mad,her face,the intonation of her voice~its like slashing my heart n rip it off into pieces..i cnt nvr forget that feeling,nvr will~im so afraid..i can feel satisfied n say to myself "hey,u already did ur best,so whatever,move on~"..but for others??they will say "u not try hard enuf","u nt even try","u always think of love n hp!","i dun even c u study",ok..i dun wna continue on..u see,mybe ppl cn just advice me,"dun care bout wat ppl say to u" n stuff like dat..but u noe wat,to tell u the truth,if this thing r said by the people that v love,the one that v hope understands us the most,to me,i cnt just ignore it..it hurts..its like they telling u "u're useless!u did nthg gud!"..u noe wat i'm saying?i cnt~this thg is like a nightmare to me..im self-distruct..smtms i just wish ppl cn c n noe wats in my heart,hw i've tried to achieve smthg in my life n wna make them proud,hw i wish evryday ppl wouldnt judge me n tell me that no matter wat they will support me,gv me the strenght to carry on..y is it so?y is it so hard to satisfy smthg or smone so that v wil feel satisfied too?i had a bad memories of my past,i dun wna my future to be the same..i wna live..i wna live like i deserve to..
im stuck u noe..how i feel like ppl were judging evrythg dat i do..i fell in love wif a chinese boy,they seems to take dat as smthg wrg,so wrg indeed..well i tell u wat~i dun evn noe my life will be like dis in the first place..God give me him..then wat so wrg??just bcoz he's chnse?how i pray evryday dat he will finally see the good in Islam someday..if he's nt d one for me,then fine..i will accept that too..but ppl think i will get so "obsess" by it just bcz im learng mandarin n listng to chinse songs,they all said "pakwe cina,sume ttg cina pun ko nak suke~"..so wat?i nvr evr did those thgs bcoz of him..y if others said dey like korean o japanese guys n pationately listng to korean o jpnse songs ppl dun say much bout dat?in love,i admit,ppl do change..but,the question is y??y its hard to c u own self changing bcoz the one dt u love n its just so easy to shoved dat fact to sumone else??wats ur right of doing so???!i believe in God,in Allah~for evryday i hope,the only thg dat i will nvr evr wna lose for the rest of my life is~my iman to Allah..no matter what happn..
i really do feel dat evrybody change thru time..its either u change for a better o for worse..to me,i just wna live,and as long as im breathing,i will try my best to be happy evryday..im just a human..i cant do much..i've nthg..nthg but faith.i gt feelings too..is it too necessary for ppl to judge?is it?while v noe,v r nt evn close to perfection..
im stuck u noe..how i feel like ppl were judging evrythg dat i do..i fell in love wif a chinese boy,they seems to take dat as smthg wrg,so wrg indeed..well i tell u wat~i dun evn noe my life will be like dis in the first place..God give me him..then wat so wrg??just bcoz he's chnse?how i pray evryday dat he will finally see the good in Islam someday..if he's nt d one for me,then fine..i will accept that too..but ppl think i will get so "obsess" by it just bcz im learng mandarin n listng to chinse songs,they all said "pakwe cina,sume ttg cina pun ko nak suke~"..so wat?i nvr evr did those thgs bcoz of him..y if others said dey like korean o japanese guys n pationately listng to korean o jpnse songs ppl dun say much bout dat?in love,i admit,ppl do change..but,the question is y??y its hard to c u own self changing bcoz the one dt u love n its just so easy to shoved dat fact to sumone else??wats ur right of doing so???!i believe in God,in Allah~for evryday i hope,the only thg dat i will nvr evr wna lose for the rest of my life is~my iman to Allah..no matter what happn..
i really do feel dat evrybody change thru time..its either u change for a better o for worse..to me,i just wna live,and as long as im breathing,i will try my best to be happy evryday..im just a human..i cant do much..i've nthg..nthg but faith.i gt feelings too..is it too necessary for ppl to judge?is it?while v noe,v r nt evn close to perfection..
i guess,its just a way of life,some ppl r like dat.ok,i dun mind..i dun wna mess around my head just to think bout dat.i just hope,watever it is,ppl still cn accept me for who i m,n let me feel free to live my life the way i wn..insyaAllah~
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment